I never should have left

Please don't do this.
Please don't cut me out.
I fucked up, I know it, but do you understand what it's like to feel like your pride has been ripped away from you.
I opened myself up and got shit on, so yes, I said spiteful hateful things I never should have.
But please don't make me pay this way, for this mistake.
I spend every day thinking about you.
Every day I have to face that leaving was the biggest mistake of my life.
I left home to find something, maybe myself.
And I found nothing. I'm miserable and alone.
And thinking of you kills me and gets me through it at the same time.
Please don't make me lose you even more than I already have.
So far this year, Ive written maybe 10 songs.
They all end up about you.
I try my hardest to write about something else and I can't.
The chorus of the most recent song I've written goes " All the love songs I could ever write have been about you".
And it's true. Every single one.
I can't lose you.
Because if I do, I'm gonna lose myself entirely.
Don't throw away 4 years.
I KNOW YOU CARE MORE ABOUT ME THAN THAT, I KNOW IT.
Please
Im begging you with everything I have.
Don't let go

“There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout: This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me... or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision. When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.” - Stacey Charter Do i love myself 100%, not quite yet. Too many mistakes I still need to rectify. But even knowing I am faulted, maybe more so than most, I refuse to let go of my pride. I AM proud of who I am becoming. More than ever, I am driven to succeed. I have goals, clear and set, that i will not rest until i reach. I know that with persistence, my barriers do get torn down, and if you're worth it, I may open up. But fuck you if you think Im down to be anyone's fallback. Fuck you if you like me for any fucking reason other than who I am. Even fuck you if you HATE me for any reason other than who I am. I am not some second fiddle, I am a fucking Stradivarius. And anyone would be lucky to truly gain both my affection and respect. Is this arrogance? No Is this confidence? Not even that. This is that bit deep inside me that refuses to accept anyone telling me Im not worth it. Because guess fucking what. I am.

The things I'd do for you are too many to count, too deep to feel.

For you I'd crawl until I can walk.

For you I'd walk until I can run.

For you I'd run until we're strong enough to jump.

For you I'd cross oceans and border.

For you I'd stop biting my nails.

For you I'd throw all my dirty socks straight into the hamper.

For you I'd reach my wildest dreams.

For you I'd retire early.

For you I'd be lifetime companion.

For you I'd be a father to your children.

For you I'd be a brother to your siblings.

For you I'd be a son to your parents.

For you I'd stop smoking.

For you I'd give up my dessert.

For you I'd sleep on either side of the bed.

For you I'd never look back.

For you I'd stop a train.

For you I'd miss my flight.

For you I'd pay for dinner.

For you I'd make the commitment I was scared to.

For you I'd write a love song.

For you I'd keep your secrets.

For you I'd tell you my secrets.

For you I'd give it all away.

For you I'd face my past.

For you I'd drive a minivan.

For you I'd skip my midlife crisis.

For you I'd fulfill your fantasies.

For you I'd be there every night and day.

For you I'd be there.

For you I'd risk it all.

But I didn't take the chance, and now you may be gone. And so all these things I would do remain undone. The melancholy is overwhelming knowing everything I would do, but can't. So if there was any one thing I would do for you...

For you I'd never leave, because in trying to find out who I am, I lost the one that knew.