I never should have left

Please don't do this.
Please don't cut me out.
I fucked up, I know it, but do you understand what it's like to feel like your pride has been ripped away from you.
I opened myself up and got shit on, so yes, I said spiteful hateful things I never should have.
But please don't make me pay this way, for this mistake.
I spend every day thinking about you.
Every day I have to face that leaving was the biggest mistake of my life.
I left home to find something, maybe myself.
And I found nothing. I'm miserable and alone.
And thinking of you kills me and gets me through it at the same time.
Please don't make me lose you even more than I already have.
So far this year, Ive written maybe 10 songs.
They all end up about you.
I try my hardest to write about something else and I can't.
The chorus of the most recent song I've written goes " All the love songs I could ever write have been about you".
And it's true. Every single one.
I can't lose you.
Because if I do, I'm gonna lose myself entirely.
Don't throw away 4 years.
I KNOW YOU CARE MORE ABOUT ME THAN THAT, I KNOW IT.
Please
Im begging you with everything I have.
Don't let go